Why does it hurt so bad.............

"You’re better off without him.” “He’s a real heartbreaker.”

When you lose a close friend or love relationship, you are likely to feel great sorrow and heartache. But even in the end of a bad relationship, there can be deep pain and grief. There might be the sense of failure, hopelessness, loss, despair, fear, or desperation.

Everyone has a different way of handling the heartache of a breakup. Healing after the loss of love may happen—and usually does in time—but usually not by seeking it. A painful breakup offers an opportunity for you to heal this and other wounds, becoming stronger and healthier in the midst of your suffering. However, not everyone makes use of this opportunity for self-transformation, but instead may carry painful baggage into the next relationship, or simply retreat from relationships altogether. What matters in the healing process is your ability to make sense of what has happened to you.

Admittedly, some breakups are easier than others. You only took her out on a few dates, perhaps. Maybe he wasn’t really your type and you knew it. But then there are the splits that bring excruciating heartache:
* you got dumped on your birthday
* your partner cheated on you with your best friend

Whatever the story behind the end of the relationship, as the once-popular song says, “Breaking up is hard to do.” Even when the relationship has gone sour, and even for the person initiating the breakup, the loss is often still a tangible and painful experience...sob...sob...

If you are coping with a break up, it is normal to experience negative feelings such as:
- Hatred,
- Jealousy
- Anger
- Rage and the need for revenge,
-Depression,
-Loathing or hating yourself ,
- Feeling inadequate or incapable of holding a relationship,
- Feeling guilty for not having tried harder.
- Helplessness.
- Loneliness.
- Shamefulness or loss of face.
- Feeling unable to survive or live without your ex- break up partner.
- Feeling Suicidal or even worse.

Such negative feelings and self talk, if left unchecked will keep on multiplying and gaining momentum until like a tornado... they take over your mind, suck your energy, burn the living daylights out of you, consume you totally and really leave you drained out and incapable of living a happy, healthy life ever again. In effect your breakup has taken over your mind and your life.
You absolutely need to dissolve and dissipate such negative thoughts and feelings immediately.

The trouble for many people after their breakup or divorce is that this pain can be so unbearable that without realizing it, they unknowingly do some things that are counter-productive to healing their pain. They actually stay stuck in that pain, sometimes forever.
Sometimes, even when you think that you have dealt with the pain of the breakup or divorce and put your past relationship behind you, there's still more healing work to be done. You just didn't realize it.
Sometimes, you'll hear a song on the radio or one might pop into your head that reminds you of a certain time and person that you were with.
Other times, someone will say or do something that reminds you of a past relationship and you realize that even though days, weeks, months or even years may have passed, there's still more healing to be done.

we all know people who've experienced a relationship break up or divorce and many months or years later, they are still angry, bitter and holding onto the pain of that past relationship.
If you ever hope to heal your heart and find the courage to truly open yourself up to love again, you're going to have to do some things besides simply letting time pass.