THE SADNESS RETURNS

hello everyone........I miss ye all.......I haven't been active wif u lots..not updating blog for quiet sumtimes now..Erghh it's already May...yea yea..

I have been doing sum thinkin lately..I dunno y all the sudden m feeling this way. Things haven't been great lately. Maybe its the work load but i kindda enjoyed the things that i do now. Stressful - yes it is stressful but its fun stress..i dunno how to explain it..but its FUN! hehehhe

As i said things haven't been great with me & M*...after the last blow we had I kindda stepped back..maybe its true..it wont last..hurts me...thou I love him every bit but I need to do what is best for him...its hard to let go...really hard...Seeing the picture perfect of him & her..I can't ruin that...Seeing him with her..it hurts but you have to swallow it..they arer just so perfect..i'm just the shadow..standing beside him.....while they stand side by side..erghhh...I need to think about this relationship..should i let go or stay...Its kindda confusing...1 minute he's ok..the next minute he's not...most of the time its hard to understand..have i not been a good girl eversince we are 2gether? Well I have always been in fear not to do anything that displeased him..god who am i kidding here??but its all love..one of my fren totally disagree wif me..she's always pissed at me & tell me off wen i told her i cant go anywhere as i need to inform him 1st...well not that his possessive..he will allow me to go as usual but at times the ending will always be an argument..I hate arguments...

The last we had I agreed to put my distance as I dun want to stress him when he have plenty on his plate..It was hard...but i tried...at the end he apologize and I have to understand he's under pressure lately...but wat about my feelings..I have been keeping it to myself lately..cried all alone thinking about it..is it worthed to shed my tears over this..??? I have to think about all of this again..I love him..I love him...I love u sooooo much....but If i have to let u go..it doesn't mean that i dun love u..i truly do...but m hurting...deep inside me its hurts so bad...i dun wanna end this..as it means so much to me...Maybe I'll meet someone good for me...then I will let go...But how to meet with someone new?? m so sorry babe...I dont see the fire anymore...its fading slowly...slowly everyday..... I love u.........really love you..I'll hate myself for doing this but I must do it...and when the time is right the decision will be from me and no turning back..my decision will be.......final.....